A Critique: Captivating
I recently finished the popular book, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, by the husband and wife team of John and Stasi Eldredge. I like to keep up on popular trends within the church, but this book came out in 2005, so I am a little behind on this one. But, it does not seem to be losing popularity. I have recently heard many people commenting on it, so, I decided it was time to see for myself what everyone was talking about.
The authors begin by saying that “this is not a book about all the things you are failing to do as a woman.” It has set out to “recover essential femininity without falling into stereotypes, or worse, ushering in more pressure and shame upon [the] readers.” (from the Introduction) Unfortunately, there are significant problems throughout this book. Most, if not all, of the problems seem to stem from three basic categories – a low view of God, a low view of Scripture, and a high view of man (or, in this particular case, woman). All of these lead the reader to an incorrect view of true, biblical womanhood and femininity.
A Low View of God
The Eldredges say that, “God wanted to reveal something about himself, so he gave us Eve.” (pg. 26) They extol God’s more gentle attributes, qualities many typically associate with women – mercy, grace, love, tenderness, and “fierce devotion.” In doing so, they tend to downplay what they would characterize as primarily “masculine” attributes – God’s justice, strength, wrath. When these more masculine characteristics are mentioned, they do so by likening God to actors or characters in a movie, men like Daniel Day Lewis, William Wallace or Mel Gibson, Aragorn from Lord of the Rings, or Harrison Ford. (pg. 129) But, we are told in Isaiah 40 (see verses 18-25) that God cannot be compared to anything. “To whom then will you compare me, that I should be like him? says the Holy One.”
The Eldredges also tell us that, through women, we see “that God is relational to his core, that he has a heart for romance.” (pg. 26) Using Jeremiah 31:3, which says (in part) “I have loved you with an everlasting love,” they attempt to prove not only that God longs for a relationship with us, but also that “this whole world was made for romance.”(pg. 29) Later in the book, Stasi encourages women to “ask God to reveal himself to you as the Lover that he is.” (pg. 126) Yes, God does love us – Scripture is very clear about that. But, there is a vast difference between true, biblical love and romance.
Love is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (ESV) as patient, kind, not envious, boastful, arrogant, rude, selfish, irritable, or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” Romance, on the other hand, can be defined this way: “a strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something.” (Dictionary.com) Throughout the book, the Eldredges confuse these two, and tell their readers that “to be spiritual is to be in a Romance with God.” (pg. 127) They also claim that “the root of all holiness is Romance.” (pg. 113)
But, 1 Peter 1:15-16 says, “but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” The root of all holiness is not romance. It is obedience – obedience to God’s commands. (For a biblical look at holiness, see the book, Holiness: The Heart God Purifies, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss)
Low View of Scripture
The above example, along with many others, shows that the Eldredges clearly hold to a low view of the authority of Scripture. Though they frequently quote Scripture in an attempt to validate and lend authority to their claims, many passages are misquoted, misinterpreted, taken out of context, or ignored altogether. Movies, music, and personal experiences are often elevated to a position of equal, if not higher authority to that of Scripture in the pages of this book.
Movies and Music
Stasi begins her story by saying “As for romance, I stumbled through that mysterious terrain with only movies and music as a guide. Like so many women I know, I struggled alone through the mess of several broken hearts.” (pgs. 4-5) Although she indicates that that these were unreliable guides, leading her into a life of heartache and broken relationships, she goes on to contradict herself as the book progresses. A variety of secular songs, movies, and books, many that contain themes contrary to biblical standards, are referenced throughout as proof of her claims that a woman was made for beauty, adventure, and romance.
Personal Experience
Stasi’s past – which includes struggles with abuse, abortion, depression (complete with the use of antidepressants), eating disorders, and promiscuity – comes into play in the statements that the Eldredges make concerning women. They say that
“every little girl – and every little boy – is asking one fundamental question. But they are very different questions depending on whether you are a little boy or a little girl….Little girls want to know, Am I lovely?” (pg. 46)
This question appears be the result of an event in which she, as a child, was seeking her father’s attention and approval, and he did not respond favorably. She goes on to say,
“Nearly all a woman does in her adult life is fueled by her longing to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her Question answered, ‘Yes!’” (pg. 46)
But, this statement is not true of all women, and it is wrong to suggest that it is. The mistakes and pain that characterize one woman’s past do not, and cannot, dictate the needs of all women. It is important to remember that our role, purpose, and calling as women is to be found in Scripture.
Along with occasions of audibly hearing God’s voice, both authors encourage women to
“listen to the voice of God in our hearts as he tells us what we need. Sometimes it will be a bubble bath. Sometimes it is going for a run or a movie or a nap. Often, Jesus will call us away to spend precious time alone with him. We grow in our intimacy with Jesus as we practice listening to his urging, his nudges within.” (pg. 145)
No! We grow in intimacy with Christ when we obey the clear commands that He has given us in His Word! John 15:10 says, “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.” Verse 14 of the same passage goes on to say, “You are my friends if you do what I command you.” But, they ignore this passage as they continue, saying,
“Abiding in Christ means paying attention to the voice of God within, nourishing our own hearts and nourishing our relationship with him.” (pg. 145)
Readers are encouraged to look within their own hearts, not to the pages of Scripture. But, in doing so, they overlook verses like Jeremiah 17:9, which tell us that our hearts are deceitful, and desperately wicked.
Context/Interpretation
When readers are pointed to Scripture, the passages used are often taken out of context. We see passages such as Hosea 2, Isaiah 62, and Jeremiah 30 (among others) which describe God’s care for, and mercy upon Israel, twisted, and reinterpreted with alternate (“modern”) readings, and suggested application to all women. Matthew 16:25, which clearly speaks to the cost of following Christ, is used to encourage women to stop their incorrect methods of “self-protection,” which they employ as a result of the wounds that have been inflicted upon them. (pg. 73)
When the authors find that a passage of Scripture fits in with their particular need, they use it. But, other relevant passages, which would contradict their message, are used in part, or conspicuously omitted. This can be clearly seen in their treatment of, or disregard for passages like Proverbs 31.
The Proverbs 31 Woman
They claim that the church is partially (if not wholly) responsible for holding women to, what they call, unreasonable expectations of what women “ought” to be – like those found in Proverbs 31. A low view of Scripture and its authority is clearly seen, once again, as Stasi says,
“We’re all living in the shadow of that infamous icon, “The Proverbs 31 Woman,” whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Her light never goes out at night? When does she have sex? Somehow she has sanctified the shame most women live under, biblical proof that yet again we don’t measure up. Is that supposed to be godly – that sense that you are a failure as a woman?” (pg. 6)
The word infamous is typically used to describe someone with a bad reputation, brought on by evil deeds. But, in stark contrast, Scripture calls the woman described in this passage “virtuous,” and “of noble character.” Stasi says that she is “biblical proof” that we don’t measure up. Do any of us measure up to God’s standard of holiness? No, none of us – man or woman – do. There is biblical proof of that throughout Scripture. (I would suggest Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock’s book, Becoming A Woman Who Pleases God, for a biblical look at the woman in Proverbs 31, and practical ways on how we can, and should, follow her noble example.)
“Arousing Adam”
As I have already noted, throughout the book, the Eldredges confuse passages that are narrative in nature, intended to describe various events, with those passages that are prescriptive, or direct commands for us, as believers, to follow. Probably the best (or perhaps, the worst) example of this can be found in chapter 9, “Arousing Adam”. In this chapter, John quotes his book, Wild at Heart, and relates his interpretation of the story of Ruth. Because, as with other quotes used throughout the book, there is very little bibliographic information offered, so it is impossible to know where John gets his interpretation of this story. He takes what is a beautiful, noble love story, and a fitting symbol for our redemption through Christ, and twists it, making it an example of seduction for women to follow. Referring to Ruth 3:7, he says,
“What happens next is simply scandalous….There is no possible reading of this passage that is “safe” or “nice.” This is seduction pure and simple – and God holds it up for all women to follow…” (pg. 157)
As The Bible Expositor’s Commentary (vol. 3) points out, “Some commentators have cynically described the entire episode as an example of the wily ways of a woman to get her man. This kind of interpretation shows a lack of sensitivity to the chain of events that are unfolding in the story.” (Huey, pg. 538) Ruth is described in Scripture as a virtuous woman. To imply, as John has done, that her actions were anything but, is to contradict what Scripture clearly says about her. Her life closely parallels that of the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31. However, this is a point that is ignored by John (not surprising, given their view of the “infamous” woman of Proverbs 31).
(Please look at John MacArthur’s portrait of Ruth in his book, Twelve Extraordinary Women, for an accurate, biblical presentation of this story.)
High View of Man (Woman)
“Now for one of the most beautiful mysteries of the feminine heart: women minister something to the heart of God that men do not.”(pg. 124)
“Women hold a special place in the heart of God. A woman’s worship brings Jesus immense pleasure and a deep ministry. You can minister to the heart of God. You impact Him. You matter.” (pgs. 124-125)
Not only are these statements, and others like them, examples of the pride and glorification of man found in this book, they are fundamentally, and biblically inaccurate. God does not need us. Yes, He wants our worship, but He does not need it. God is, and always has been, self-sufficient. To ignore this attribute, is to minimize who God is.
This high view of man is a result of the authors’ belief that man (or woman) is basically good. Their website says that,
“We have good hearts. We appeal to the deepest and truest parts of one’s being, believing that as a Christian our deepest and truest desires are for that which is true, honorable, holy, pure, and beautiful.” (from the Ransomed Heart website)
The True Nature of Our Souls
“Our hearts are enlarged by Jesus. And by that, we mean that we must be willing to be honest with him and with ourselves about the true nature of our souls – our sorrows, our desires, our dreams, our fears, our deepest and scariest hopes.” (pg. 143)
But, if we were truly honest about the nature of our souls, we would see that they are deceitful and desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9). Scripture clearly tells us that, while we are new creations if we are in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17), we still battle with our old, sinful nature. As Paul says in Romans 7:18-20,
“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.”
Contrary to the beliefs of the authors, our desires are not basically good. They are basically sinful.
Exaltation of Eve
The Eldredges application of the story of Eve’s creation illustrates this self-promoting, man-centered thinking.
“She is the crescendo, the final astonishing work of God. Woman. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve….Can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God’s final touch, his piece de resistance.” (pg. 25)
Now, I do not have a problem with their description, I have a problem with their application. Their wording is strikingly similar to John MacArthur’s description of Eve in his book, Twelve Extraordinary Women. MacArthur calls Eve “the crown and the pinnacle of God’s amazing creative work,” (MacArthur, pg. 1) “the finishing touch and the very zenith of all creation.” (MacArthur, pg. 2) But, this description, is applied to Eve alone (not all women), “in her original state, undefiled by any evil.” (MacArthur, pg. 2) The Eldredges, on the other hand, apply and attribute their description to all women, disregarding the impact of the fall (sin). The authors go so far in their exaltation of women as to encourage them to
“Look out across the earth and say to yourselves, ‘The whole, vast world is incomplete without me. Creation reached it’s zenith in me.’” (pg. 25)
Beauty
The beauty they attribute to Eve (though her physical appearance is never once mentioned in Scripture) becomes a theme in this book. In chapter 2, the Eldredges say,
“the world cheapens and prostitutes beauty, making it all about a perfect figure few women can attain. But, Christians minimize it too, or overspiritualize it, making it all about ‘character.’” (pg. 36)
Of course, this means ignoring verses like Proverbs 31:30 which tell us that “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” She also ignores 1 Peter 3:3-4, tells us, “Do not let your adorning be external–the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing– but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” (emphasis added) Christians do not make beauty all about ‘character’ – God does.
However, in chapter 8, following the pattern of inconsistency characteristic of this book, we find the authors this time attempting to convince the reader “that true beauty comes from the inner part of us. Our hearts.” (pg. 134) In this chapter, they say that outward beauty is simply a reflection of a heart at rest. Here, the passage from 1 Peter 3 is used to lend authority to this claim. But, when it is quoted in the book, they leave out the last phrase, “which in God’s sight is very precious.”
Conclusion
This book says that it “is not about what you ought to do or who you ought to be. It’s about discovering who you already are, as a woman.” (pg. 19) The problem with that is, I know who I already am. Man or woman – I am a sinner. The Bible tells me that. I want a book that will challenge, encourage, exhort, and convict me to be what I ought to be – what Scripture calls me (and all of us) to be – a woman who is seeking to be more like Christ.
It is unfortunate, for all of the positive talk that this book has generated over the last few years, its message is one of pride and self-centeredness – rooted in a low view of God and the authority of His Word. For numerous reasons, beyond those listed above, this is not a book I would recommend.
In addition to the books I have suggested earlier, let me offer some alternatives to Captivating, by authors who present a truly biblical view of womanhood and femininity:
- Biblical Womanhood in the Home, ed. by Nancy Leigh DeMoss (with chapters by Barbara Hughes, Susan Hunt, Mary Kassian, Carolyn Mahaney, Dorothy Patterson, and Bunny Wilson)
- Let Me Be a Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot
- Disciplines of a Godly Woman, by Barbara Hughes
- Different by Design, by John MacArthur
- Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney
Should you choose to read this book, please let me urge you to do so with your (open) Bible in hand. Be a “Berean” – examining the Scriptures to see if these things are so. (see Acts 17:11)
July 12th, 2007 at 8:03 am
I personally think this critique of the book is entirely too literal. I could relate to this book in ways I never imagined. The entire section about beauty is not about being physically beautiful, and that was clearly stated. She said that to have beauty is to have “a gentle and quiet spirit”, p. 134, just as your quote from Peter did. Also, when she said that we need to listen to our hearts, she is assuming that we wish to live a life for God, therefore meaning that we know what is right and wrong through the commandments. She is just telling us to follow our heart to God, to take time away from our busy schedule and have time for Him, to meditate with Him and converse with Him, which is so hard to do in a busy schedule. I am 18 and I loved this book, it made me feel better about myself and more confident in my relationship with God. What good would an entire book of scripture be? It would be like reading the bible, which I do already read and already own. This book is made to appeal to women and their needs in every day life, it’s realistically calling us to be close with God in our every day lives, and calling us to be the individuals that God wants us to be.
July 12th, 2007 at 10:29 am
Hi Veronica!
I’m so glad that you left me a comment! I never would have found your most excellent blog. What a beautiful daughter you have! I’m going to be checking up on you in the future.
Great review, by the way, very organized and insightful. I haven’t read the book, but like you, I feel as though I should in order to understand what’s being taught in our women’s Bible studies.
Anyway, I’m glad to reconnect!
Jessi
July 13th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Melanie,
I just want to thank you for taking the time to read this post, and share your thoughts with me. You are absolutely right, in that this is a very literal critique of the book.
I am glad that you read your Bible. I would never want to suggest that this book, or any other, should attempt to replace that! The ultimate authority and standard in any believer’s life should be the Word of God. I am not saying that this (or any other book) should be an entire book of Scripture. My main concern is that their use of Scripture should be accurate (which, in this book it is not). My other concern is that God’s Word – not our feelings, desires, or emotions (which are often tainted by sin, Rom. 7:18-19) – should be the ultimate standard of whether or not we are being the individuals that God has called us to be.
July 30th, 2007 at 8:49 am
I can’t tell you how I appreciate your thorough and thoughtful review of this book. I’ll be linking to it this week.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
I found your site via Everyday Mommy’s link. This is such a thorough review and I have to say it confirms what my “gut instinct” was about this book, based on what I have read and heard about the authors and their other books. I think they represent a view that is all too prevalent in the church today… we are so easily seduced by the idea that God just wants us to be happy and turn from concepts of obedience and God’s holy righteousness. Thank you for taking the time to read and critique this book… I’ll be checking back on your site often!
August 6th, 2007 at 6:24 am
I quickly had to choose a study for small women’s book study for our church. I had heard so many wonderful things about this book that I picked it and over the spring semester we read chapter after chapter. There are some very insightful things said and there is great encouragement in the book.
But, I must agree that it is terribly lacking in leading women to the Living Water of God and His Word. I remember asking those questions and becoming frustrated with getting no answers. That is until I asked the question with journal, pen, and Scripture (something NEVER recommended for finding answers) in hand for a serious time of reading God’s Word.
Even more frightening, I think, is that I have been a believer for quite a while and I have been in God’s Word for quite a while. My concern is for those reading this book who are not believers or how are not well-grounded in their faith. Like Melanie, I feel like I know what they were meaning, but only because I have been in the church for a long time. The presentation though has scary ramifications I fear if you come to this book without a view of the grandness of God and the inerrancy of His word.
August 16th, 2007 at 2:02 am
I have read your extremely thorough book review. However, I have to disagree with you on many points and ask you a few simple questions… have you ever had your heart broken? Have you always walked so straight with HIM? or have you ever felt like HE broke your heart or let you down? Have you thought that maybe His commandment for the day was a bubble bath or just a long deep breath. I have read all of the above books as well, but Capitivating is by far the best!
November 5th, 2007 at 10:27 am
I read Wild At Heart at the beginning of the summer after hearing so many conflicting things about it. I finally got around to posting my critique of the book, and many people have suggested that I read Captivating as well. Your review here seems to indicate that it suffers from many of the same problems that Wild at Heart has. Thank you for a thorough review.
November 14th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Excellent post! I could not agree more if I tried.
February 22nd, 2008 at 11:17 am
I have only just found your review, and I thank you for it. You have some excellent insight to the flaws of this book. In all the critiques I have read, I haven’t found much that addresses their chapter called “A Special Hatred.” This is the chapter that just about caused me to throw the book across the room, like Staci complained about other books for Christian women!
I have done quite a comprehensive study on the character and activity of Satan and demons. There is not a single verse in the Bible that substantiates their assertion that the Evil One has it out for women in particular – especially not because of their “beauty and life-giving heart.”
There is much more to say, but this is just a brief comment to add to others regarding your review…not enough space to go into a thorough list of all that I found wrong in that chapter alone!
Thanks again for being a Berean!
April 14th, 2008 at 10:08 am
I think you missed the point of this book entirely. There is balance in this book to not look at things so literally and one sided. I found your review very literal and one sided. A voulnerable woman of God is a beautiful thing and that’s what it takes to reallt “get” this book. To see women of the curch today is very sad. They are so edgy, so one sided, so harsh. Being a Christian is about having a RELATIONSHIP with God. You can follow scripture as much as you like but untill you can connect with your savior on a personal and yes intamate level you are just going throught the motions and hoping it all works out in the end. I am heartbroken on how many Women didn’t get this book. Read it again and open your heart
April 24th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Thanks for a helpful and thoughtful critique of this book. It highlighted some of the things that made me feel uneasy when I read it. There is no denying that the authors’ have a heart to see women blossoming and coming into a deep and more intimate relationship with God and that is heart-warming. But if we have too high a view of man/womankind and too low a view of God we lose sight of grace – and God’s grace is the most amazing thing. He loves me, not because of any beauty in me but simply because He chose to. That is real liberation!
May 3rd, 2008 at 11:34 am
I just went to a conference on the book, Capivating. I had not read the book or any of Eldredge’s books before I left. Let me tell you what you are up against at this conference. You are up against the woman Jezebel. It is out to dig in wounds that Christ already paid for. PG 13 and R rated movies are used to show you an intimate relationship with God. Well let me ask you “when did Jesus sin to show you His Father?” NEVER ! AMEN! It is a sinful conference and I know the outcome is written in REVELATION> You can see the deceptive spirit in Rev. 2:19-24. It is real but the power given to us through the Holy Spirit is far greater. Many of my friends are falling into this deceptive teaching. You can see other books falling off the shelves with other demonic teaching (The Shack…which I renamed the Cave)To quote the precious couple that writes this article… Isaiah 40 (see verses 18-25) that God cannot be compared to anything. “To whom then will you compare me, that I should be like him? says the Holy One.” Please do not read the book the Shack. Not only do they compare my Father with a woman but they ask a question when presented with the Trinity. “which one of you is Father?” I know when I see my FATHER… I am face down in worship. No questions asked. The father in this book is Satan. It is the most dangerous book I have seen on the shelves today. It takes away the awesome HOLINESS of my FATHER. If you have already read the book look at what Martin Luther pinned in the 15oo’s:
A Warning by Dr. Martin Luther.
False masters now abound, who songs indite;
Beware of them, and learn to judge them right:
Where God builds up his Church and Word, hard by
Satan is found with murder and a lie.
We are in the times of false teachers. Read the book that will keep you from stumbling and put your armor on! Make sure that Bible is without error. Rev. 22: 18-21. I would not read a “new” version. Read the version God gave us. No matter how hard it is to read. Let Him reveal Truth to you. This book has everything you need for any area of your life today! It is His Word without error!
To God Be the Glory for the Things He Has Done!
April 1st, 2009 at 7:50 am
I came across your review of the book Captivating as I was searching for a book to give to a female friend of mine. As with other women she has had to struggle through her womanhood with less that perfect guidance on matters that affect her heart. She has read the Bible extensively and over the entire course of her life and she properly holds God’s Word up as revealed truth. With that said, she still has unanswered questions about her own life as a woman and I felt I wanted to help her by recommending a book that might help her put some of the pieces together for herself. I had higher hopes for Captivating but I knew the authors had previous problems with scriptural interpretations and applications from the book Wild at Heart so I decided to search for reviews of the book Captivating.
I was happy to learn of the shortcomings before giving the book to my friend. I also appreciated the fact you recommended other books. I will begin investigating those in the same way. Now with all that said … lol … I must express my appreciation for your stance that may appear a bit harsh to some. But you are standing firm of what I believe is Biblical. The modern church has diluted itself almost to the point of being irrelevant in the lives of present day Christians. I will offer as support for this view the fact that the divorce rate among Christians in the church is essentially identical to the divorce rate among non believers. This is appalling to me and yet our churches continue to nudge (push?) people (men and women) down the path of that form of destruction all under the guise that they are ministering to people. The church will forever be unable to view itself as ministering to anyone if they can’t address the issues of failed marriages within their own church walls.
The reason I say this is marriage is THE most foundational element of life scripturally, culturally, practically, emotionally etc. If the church is impotent to lead its members in righteous living in regards to marriage then it is simply impotent. Until it can demonstrate it can properly support the relations of men and women in Christian marriage why would anyone think it has the credentials to guide people in any area of life. I hope this message lands on a few ears of pastors who have had their hearts pricked by the truth of what I am saying and are ready to get down to the business of putting Christianity to work as Jesus intended. Thank you once again for the time you invested to critique the book.